dating derby

August 24, 2010

Knowing that we’ll likely start trying to make a baby before the next derby season gets in full swing in 2011, I’ve been thinking a lot of about what I’ll be giving up (if temporarily)… namely, roller derby.  I’ve been thinking about it in ways similar to deciding to break up with someone… you know, compiling lists of things you don’t like about them, so that you can look at that list when you’re REALLY MISSING the things you loved about them.

Derby is full of ups and downs, so this process has been interesting… a little like a contrast to my marriage, in the following way: when you’re dating someone, you’re (consciously or unconsciously) continually trying to decide if they’re the one you want to spend the rest of your life with.  I remember a huge wash of relief when Kelsey and I became engaged and then married, because I had thought about it, decided this was what I wanted, and now I could stop trying to decide all the time.  If something was hard, ok… we’ll work through it.  There will never again be a “this is hard, is this maybe not right for me?” moment.

Anyway, I AM going through that decision process with derby… not in the way that one hard thing makes me want to run for the hills, but in a way that has me considering all the aspects of derby, and all the aspects of what I need for my whole mind/body to be in balance, and whether this is something to which I want to return post-baby.  Derby has this way of becoming (if you let it) your whole world, and almost your reason for living!  But if you take some time away from it (as I have a couple times now), you realize there are, in fact, a lot of other parts of life.  Still, the physicality, the comraderie, the crazy outfits, the joy of winning, the fame, the connection to the larger Providence community… these are all things I would miss if I stopped being involved.  I think it’s important, even as I make my list of things I won’t miss (the pain, the many hours per week, the pre-game anxiety), to realize that these good aspects have had a real and positive influence on my life, my body, my confidence, and my joy.

For now, I do think I want to keep involved with PRD next season, and I’m being ‘trained’ and worked onto the coaching staff, since even pregnant I can help coach practices, and when I need to leave, there won’t be a (for example) board position unfilled.  But, of course, I don’t know what the future will hold exactly… maybe it’ll take me a while to get pregnant, and I’ll play half the season.  Maybe I’ll get pregnant right away, and slowly wean out of the derby world for a while, or maybe forever.  I think I’m ok with whatever happens…  No matter what, derby has done incredible things for me that I’ll never forget.



  1. I’m right there with you. The time and monetary commitment is so great, and while you reap rewards, is it worth it in the long run?

    We spend close to $600 a month on babysitters so we can do something we love. The kids are typically asleep for most of the time we’re gone, so there’s no loss of quality time with them, which I’m thankful for.

    However, quality and alone time with each other is greatly reduced. Add the loss of sleep, because we get home after bedtime from practice, and it seems like one of us is always cranky.

    Most conversations we have orbit in the derby universe. Our free time is spent promoting derby, talking to sponsors, or going to meetings about derby. I hate to think that our relationships are suffering, but it’s becoming obvious that something has to give.

    Derby does keep us both physically fit. The camaraderie and the fame are awesome. The emotions you experience in this sport are overwhelming. Overall, it’s a positive experience, and I’d love to keep skating. I just have to figure out how to fit it in.

  2. Hello!
    Long time Lurker, First time Commenter..
    My Husband and I have has alot of problems trying to concieve, We tried everything and spent quite a good chunk of our savings. Though I am happy to say last year we had our first little one. Life just hasn’t been the same since! Good luck to all of you and Keep your heads up!

    Get Pregnant and Have Babies Now!

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